THE SOLID CEMENT CADILLAC
A cement truck driver cut through his own neighborhood one day while delivering a load of ready mix, and he was surprised to see a new Cadillac convertible standing in his driveway. He parked his truck, sneaked up to the kitchen window, and spied his wife inside talking to a strange man.
Suspecting that his wife was cheating on him, the driver backed his truck up to the Caddy and dumped the full load of wet concrete into it. The Cadillac sank slowly to the pavement like a mother of all low riders.
That evening the man came home and found his wife hysterical, with the now solid Cadillac being towed away. Through her tears she explained how that morning the dealer had delivered the new car that she was going to give her husband for his birthday. She had been scrimping and saving for years to buy him his dream car.
`````````````````````````
Technically, this legend should be titled "The Solid Concrete Cadillac," since cement is merely the grey powder that, when mixed with aggregate [sand and gravel] and water, hardens into concrete. But "cement" is the folk term for the finished product. This story has circulated in many communities for decades, sometimes claimed to have happened locally as long ago as the 1940's. In an alternate version, the car was won in a lottery. An authenticated instance of an actual concrete filled car was reported in the Denver Post in August 1980, but the car was a DeSoto, and there was no jealousy motive involved.
*Puffing hell! - Cigar man sues for fire damage
A cigar collector from North Carolina successfully sued his insurance company after they refused to pay up after his entire prize collection was destroyed by fire. The legal case came up after the man had smoked all his cigars during a drunken evening with friends - he had insured them for fire damage and successfully won his court case!
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
*Holy Cow! - It's a bovine bomb!
A crew of Japanese sailors were sent to jail after claiming their ship had been sunk by a cow falling from the sky and shattering their boat's hull.
After three weeks in prison the sailors were released after the Russian Air Force admitted that one of its men had stolen a cow from the edge of a Siberian airfield and forced it into the cargo hold of his plane. The unfortunate cow had become uncontrollable during a subsequent flight and the aircrew had been forced jettison the beast at an altitude of 30,000ft - over the Sea of Japan.
*Dancing penguins
Aside from the occasional Argentine invasion, British service personnel have a fairly dull time when posted to the Falkland Islands - especially the RAF's pilots, who have taken to repeatedly flying back and forth over colonies of penguins. The birds apparently move in unison, mesmerised as jet planes fly overhead. The pilots have devised a game whereby they fly back and forth until the penguins fall over en masse.
*It's quite literally peeing down...
A family from Austin, Texas came home one evening to find their pet dog lying dead on the floor of their living room floating in a pool of urine and a 4m square hole in their roof.
Investigators found that a commercial aircraft had released the contents of its toilets, the urine had frozen and formed a massive cube - thus explaining the carnage.
*IT's ONLY ROCK 'N' ROLL
The world of music has its fair share of juicy tales including:
-Keith Richards - the Rolling Stones guitarist is a man well known for his love of the high life, but how does he keep his complexion so... ahem.... clear?? Well rumours have long circulated that Keef went off to a Swiss clinic in the mid 1970s to have his drug addled blood replaced with the blood of a virgin... it can be the only explanation as to how he has lived so long.
-Bob Dylan - if you believe the tales, the Bob you see now isn't the same Bob as the one who originally wrote hits such as Mr Tamborine Man and Blowin In The Wind. Bob Mark I crashed his Bonneville TT Special, 650 cc motorbike in 1966 and was killed in the accident. Dylan went into a long period away from the spotlight and the rumours are that the Bob touring now isn't the original Bob.
-Sir Paul McCartney - legend has it that cherub faced ex-Beatles and Wings star McCartney is another rocker now in his second incarnation. If you play the ending of "I'm So Tired" from the Beatles White Album backwards, you hear "Paul is dead". Conspiracy theorists have long told that tale of William Campbell, who won a McCartney lookalike competition and used to regularly stand in for Sir Paul in photo shoots he couldn't attend. The legend is that McCartney was involved in a car accident and died - Campbell has filled the void ever since.
LEGENDS OF THE ACCOUNTING PROFESSION
*In my hands, this phone is a dangerous weapon
Insolvency is a tough business. You've got to be hard to succeed. An intimidating aura and a thick skin are useful ingredients in the personality of a successful corporate recovery specialist. They've got to make painful decisions and often have to deal with the reactions of people who may be less than pleased with their actions. But sometimes insolvency practitioners get carried away. One particular partner was noted for his temper. Enraged one morning when the affairs of one client were not going as he wished, he slammed a telephone through the office window to emphasise his instructions to an office junior.
*Correct office procedures: The stapling manual
One partner recalled a legendary document that circulated some years ago, but confessed that there were no longer any copies in existence of his firm's three-page stapling procedures guide. Drafted by a corporate tax partner, the memo explained in some detail which documents were to be stapled and which merited paper clips or treasury tags. Which corner and at what angle the staple was placed were specified, as was the distance from the edge of the paper. Unfortunately, because tax specialists are all rebels by nature, the stapling manual was never fully implemented.
*A legend in his lunchtime
One of the larger accountancy firms has offices not far from The Strand in London, home of the timeless (or should that be pre-historic?) restaurant Simpsons in the Strand. Legend has it that one hospitable partner had a permanent lunchtime booking at the establishment, along the lines of the 1930s Algonquin round table literary set, but without the sardonic wit. Simpsons is famed for its roast beef, for which it was said you could get extra sized portions by slipping a half-crown to the carver. Given the scale of his commitment to Simpsons' cuisine, it may not come as a surprise to learn that this famous epicure is no longer with us.
*Your treat or mine?
An auditor recalled a time during his training when a client was being very uncooperative about stock. "He wouldn't give us any stock records or stock levels, and indicated that co-operation would only be given once he was aware of what our draft profit figures were." Obviously the eager junior told his partner they should qualify the report. But the partner and the client were friends. "Following, I suspect, a dinner or a drink, I was informed by the partner that this particular stock figure had been agreed and that there would be no qualification on the report. They basically agreed a figure which was put in the accounts, and the audit was signed off." Obviously, as our informant's training progressed, the concept of "appropriate sampling techniques" was made more clear.
*Hanky-panky takes on a new meaning
The patron saint of accountants who transcend the dullness of their profession to recognition on a grander stage is Leo Bloom, the famous protagonist of the Mel Brooks comedy, 'The Producers'. Originally played in the film by Gene Wilder, Leo was a malleable accountant who abetted the Broadway scam conceived by sleazy Max Bialistock (Zero Mostel). At times of high stress, Leo would resort for comfort to his beloved blue blanket. What you may not know is that Leo's fictional tick is based on fact. When confronted by unpleasant situations, the partner of a very large firm was known to pull out and chew on his handkerchief.
